He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
