i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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