I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
