Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
cat food counts as protein by the way
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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