vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
