thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Even my vagina gasped.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
