weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
