Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.