Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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