never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.