Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
