Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.