There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually