i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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