I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
