Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
