:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
