the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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