maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
