I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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