we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
