I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost