Swine flu. Run for my life!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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