Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.