If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She's the barista slut.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
