Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making