So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
