you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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