Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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