I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
