I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
