ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
