if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
