her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
