I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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