why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize