I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
