so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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