i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
