the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
