Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize