I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
