bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
