Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
