There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
