If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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