i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
