So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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