I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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