I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
