Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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