what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
