i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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