Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
