Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
