Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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