Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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