my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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