Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
