i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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