i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
