Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
