kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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