my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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