i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need a burrito and a hug.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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