That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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