And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
