It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We are all done wearing pants today
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
