it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
