In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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