I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
