So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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