Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I smell stomach acid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize