Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize