I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
