please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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