My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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