Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're too hungover to prance.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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